Free Web Hosting Provider - Web Hosting - E-commerce - High Speed Internet - Free Web Page
Search the Web


Golden Girls Poetry!



Rose Nylund
by Steph


There once was a lady named Rose
Who couldn't tell her nose from her toes
She was kind of strange
From St. Olaf she came
Where her brain went to nobody knows


Ode to the Golden Girls
by Waterlily

There once was a lady named Blanche
Her daddy drank Bourbon and Branch
She wore sequined socks, hung out at the docks
And ordered Duck a l'orange

Now Blanch was a bit of a slut
On Saturday night she would strut
She never was grungy and never wore undies
And had a bit of a butt

Dorothy was cool, strong, and wise
She wore blouses down to her thighs
She was tall as a man, was married to Stan
And her wit cut folks down to size

Sophia was an old lady from Sicily
(that's an island just south of Italy)
She had a big stroke and Oh! what she spoke
Always embarrassed the family

Picture this: her purse she did clutch
Day and night, like some sort of crutch
With Blanche she did bicker "Enough with the wicker!"
She was a furry little gnome they fed too much

Another lady named Rose
Told stories through which they would doze
She always wore smiles and really loved Miles
Who got mad when she thrice tweaked his nose

She worked in a center for woe
She could only rhyme "go" with "go"
She thought like a child but could also be wild
She was known to eat raw cookie dough

Her stories were mostly about home
St. Olaf, where the idiots roam
Legs that were hairy, a one-eyed pig named Larry
And Sonja Kirklechtnebeigenstettlerfrome

They lived together for 7 great years
They shared cheesecake, men, laughter and fears
Dorothy was wed, there were no frozen heads
Just an ocean of tears


Puka Shells and Wedding Bells - An Ode to Stanley Zbornak
by Waterlily


Now let me tell you 'bout Zborny
This man was perpetually horny
He flew Dorothy's coop, he sold plastic poop
And even his rugs were corny

His second wife was half his age
A constant source of Dorothy's rage
That marriage bought it, then came the audit
On again, off again - that set the stage

Granted, he was no dairy farmer
But still, he could be quite a charmer
He wooed Dorothy back, yes back in the sack
But his prenup agreement would harm her

This ode might be startin' to bore ya
But I've got one other thing for ya
He took a third wife, which caused Dorothy strife
Although less than his twice boffin' Gloria!



It's a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood
by Waterlily

The McDowells were theives
They only stole jewels
Enter Bobby and Al
With eavesdropping tools

Blanche didn't seduce Bobby
She made him a pal
Al caught the McDowells
And Dorothy caught Al

Old lady Claxton
Was meaner than mean
Kids made costumes of her
One Halloween

As I said
She was mean as could be
But after Rose killed her
She saved a tree

The Bartons were
Quite a pair
He was stubborn
But she was fair

Their tree fell
On the girls' lanai
Sophia gave him
The evil eye

He wouldn't pay
So the girls seemed stuck
His wife stepped in
But the boil was luck

Dorothy asked him a favor
Loved 'round the globe
"Please wear your shorts
When you're out in your robe"

The first time we met Mary
She was a pregnant little lamb
Her daddy wouldn't listen
So Dorothy's mind went Blam!

She began telling him the story
Of Fricka & Broomhilda
Although it did the trick
The irony nearly killed 'er

Renee & George Corliss
Had an empty nest
It was meant to spin off
But it wasn't the best

The Westons were next
But it was no empty nest
first we met Harry
Then came the rest

Carol was neurotic
And Barbara, a cop
Olus Oliver (then Charlie)
That jerk wouldn't stop



(Warning: you could get herpes reading this next poem!)

Sheena, Queen of the Slut People:
An Ode to Blanche Devereaux
by Waterlily

All through the years her ego men fed
What do you expect? Her initials spell BED!

In the pilot, she's about to marry
A low-down bigamist, a scuzzball named Harry

Richard was nice, she accepted his ring
She was third in his life, that was the thing

"Your work comes first," Gresham on the coast
"Next come the kids who need you the most"

Mr. Ted Tanner got 'round in a chair well
When he turned out to be married, she bid him farewell

She dated Fidel much older than she
Sophia liked him too, then there were three

They ran him to death both day and night
The poor guy died, thus ending the fight

She dated a doc she saw for a lift
But canceled the surgery in hopes of a gift

She dated a young guy, a hunk named Dirk
Lookin' for a momma, she felt like a jerk

She kissed Sven to make Floyd jealous
She doesn't think twice about using fellas

She planned to use Ham for a record intact
When he saw his mistake, he changed his act

But she changed her mind and things got tricky
He'd have traded his memories, all for a quickie

Gary Tucker, another dumb folly
Rose caught him kissing her sister, Holly

Behind the chair in his Jockeys he danced
And thanks to Dreyfuss, he left without pants

John Quinn was a kind man who could not see
She asked him, "What do you see in me?"

He gave an answer that melted her heart
But "music lover," that was the funny part

When Blanche got a pacemaker, Simon didn't care
Before she knew it, she was singing "Over There"

Rob and Bob were twins she knew
When Dorothy backed out she dated the two

But Stan was around and ran his big mouth
They got wise, the whole thing went south

She dated a cop, their start was big
He called her an oldster, she called him a pig

Then there was the caterer, his name was Jake
Dumping him was a huge mistake

Steven was sweet and Blanche really cared
But when he got sick, she got scared

She took her time and thought about life
By then he was back with his ex-wife

Frank Nann, the man with whom she played loosey
Long before she ever played Goosey

Rex was a jerk, at first with no harm
Then he grabbed Dorothy too hard by the arm

Blanche stepped in with style and class
She threw Rex out, right on his ass

She gave a judge to Dorothy on loan
Then all night did bitch and moan

Bob, the ex-priest, a virgin was he
"This brings out the artist in me!"

Jerry Kennedy, behind momma's skirt
Is that a girdle under your shirt?

She helped him stand up to momma so mean
Then he ran off - back to Christine

Stevie, the ballplayer, with skin so fair

Stevie, the ballplayer, with a dress so blue
From jock straps to spagetti straps, what happened to you?!

Loverboy, loverboy, home from the war
A nickname won't help, she needs more

OH! Bill, the pharmacist! (That was that)
I hope she kept the cool army hat

She dated Jerry, at first as a favor
And found that romance is something to savor

She likes Santa and soldiers, athletes and clowns
When she's 92, she happily drowns

Yes, there were nights when she couldn't get dates
When all else failed, BUSHMAN AWAITS!






ATTENTION GOLDEN GIRLS FANS:
I'm looking for poems about the show to post on the site. Please include your first name or nickname on them and send them to OlafianCheeze@hotmail.com.


BLANCHE DOROTHY ROSE SOPHIA